Subject and Expectation:
In part two of this ongoing series recounting the story of how he escaped the most dangerous religious cult in the world known as Jehovah’s Witnesses, The Small Town Humanist discusses the early years. He goes into detail of what it was like growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, the time period when The Watchtower defined the standard that is still enforced today for disfellowshipping its members because of disobedience. The expectation here is to expose the religion for the severe psychological damage that it has caused to millions of people over the years that have been raised by this ideology of fear-based devotion.
Introduction
As mentioned in Part One of this ongoing story of my own personal escape from the Jehovah’s Witness religion…I was indoctrinated from birth. Growing up as a child in the organization was a confusing time for me and no doubt for so many others.
Although I personally believe the religion to still be the most dangerous cult in existence today, the decades of the 1970s and 1980s were certainly unprecedented and unique. The religion had prophesied that the end of the world (or as they refer to it God’s War of Armageddon) to come in 1975. Naturally, the urgency and tensions among witnesses just exploded at that time. There were many major organizational changes and modifications made in order to ready the masses of witnesses around the world for Jehovah’s global destruction of every man, woman, and child on this planet that was not a devout and loyal Jehovah’s Witness.
The time could not have been more intense and stressful.
The 1970s: The Decade of Armageddon for Jehovah’s Witnesses
The 1970s were driven by the urgency and franticness created by the predictions and prophecies being made by the leaders of the organization that the end of the world (the end of this wicked system of things, where God destroys everyone but extremely faithful Jehovah’s Witnesses) was going to come in 1975. This prediction obviously failed and of course excuses were made to justify it. Click here to watch a video by Lloyd Evans that explains clearly this time period, along with other failed predictions made by Watchtower.
The 1980s: Watchtower Defines the Policy of Disfellowshipping
Although Watchtower introduced the idea of disfellowshipping in 1952, the organization had decided to place a heavier influence on the practice of shunning a wrongdoer by defining the standard to be followed in a 1981 September issue of The Watchtower. It goes one to say…
“Thus “disfellowshiping” is what Jehovah’s Witnesses appropriately call the expelling and subsequent shunning of such an unrepentant wrongdoer.” Watchtower 1981 Sep 15 p.22
“… a simple “Hello” to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?” Watchtower 1981 Sep 15 p.25
The policy was then to be officially heretofore referred to as “disfellowshipping.” Coincidentally, the word disfellowship does not appear one time in the Bible, or even in the dictionary. This tactic is referred to as “Loading the Language” in regards to executing thought reform on human beings [this tactic is a part of the 8 criteria for thought reform. Please click here to read our two-part series covering tactics used by cults to indoctrinate people with mind control]. This judicial decision is brought down on a wrongdoer that the local body of elders perceives as an unrepentant sinner.
This was to be a policy that would change our lives forever; a policy that is still in existence today. Please take the time to review a thorough and clear discussion on this inception by clicking here to visit JWFacts.com.
The idea behind this stronger emphasis being placed on executing punishment has everything to do with the fact that the organization and its leaders profess to be the only human beings on the planet to be directed by God’s holy spirit and the sole possessors of the only true religion. Psychologically if a group believes this wholeheartedly, then there is no other option than attempting to protect that at all costs, no matter how extreme the fallout is. Just think of the countless examples of cults or groups in the past that have carried out acts mass suicides, the murder of others, and pushing their children to suicide because they turned their backs on them for religion, all based solely on their beliefs of the imminent end of the world doomsday. Yet…we’re still here after all these years.
For the Jehovah’s Witness religion, it was time to tighten the bootstraps. From that moment on, especially in the 1980’s and 1990’s, if anyone carried out any action that went against the set of laws that the leaders of the organization defined and were found to be an unrepentant sinner, then they were to be disfellowshipped in order to keep the congregation as clean as possible at all times. They have been prophesying on a regular basis that the end is near for the last century, so they of course need to keep the congregation clean at all costs. This is in accord with the belief that they are God’s only true religion on the entire planet.
The fear of being disfellowshipped was so thick from congregation members you could feel it. This fear was very real because if you were to be disfellowshipped, this meant that you lost everything that mattered to you. What this translates into is that any member of the congregation, including your siblings, parents, children, and best friends are not allowed to say anything to you. They are to treat you as if you are dead, even in cases where they may be standing right in front of you. This happened to me and this will be the main concentration of future articles.
The 1970s and the 1980s were extremely stringent decades to grow up and as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
How Does the Fear of Disfellowshipping Affect Parenting?
How did this new fear of disfellowshipping affect Jehovah’s Witness parents back then? This fear manifested itself in many being exceptionally strict with their children. Think about it. Wouldn’t you be? If you truly believed that all your child had to do was commit one act worthy of disfellowshipping and you would be forced to shut them out of your life completely, then I’m sure you too would find it hard not to be a little more strict in your parenting. This new threat on the family no doubt clouded the judgment of many.
My parents were no different. Before I go into explaining how I was raised, I must first explain something.
There are definitely categories of witnesses, just the same as there are different levels of worshippers in any religion. There are witnesses that are diehard believers; we’ll refer to them as Group 1. These are the ones that toe the line like none other. They live every moment of their lives to be the most perfect Jehovah’s Witness that they can be, obeying every single rule to the letter. They’re usually vocal about how good of a witness they are as well.
Then there are ones that run down the middle of the road so to speak; they’ll be called Group 2. They basically conduct themselves as good witnesses and generally follow most of the rules. However, this type of witness can be expected to go against the grain from time to time, maybe pushing the envelope just a bit when it comes to what the organization views as “matters of conscience.”
And then there are witnesses that are known to either buck the system a bit or may only attend meetings occasionally. Group 3. These are viewed as being spiritually weak and even at times become the “unnamed subject” of a local needs talk, warning members of the congregation that there is a possible threat to their spirituality roaming the congregation.
My parents fit into Group 2 for the majority of my childhood, but on a few occasions over the years were a part of Group 3. I was being taken to this building of worship three times a week and forced to sit through five different meetings each week, being preached to about all of these aspects of life that a witness was to obey in order to avoid being slaughtered by Jehovah God at the war of Armageddon, and make it into the paradise to live forever. It was driven hard into our heads that witnesses were to act in a very specific way. For every possible subject matter that could be thought of no matter how trivial, we had the organization’s strong opinion on it and we were supposed to obey every word as if it were right from God himself.
So, my very young and impressionable mind was being exposed to these things, but my parents did not always toe the line. Looking back now, as a parent myself, they were sort of rebels to a degree. My father especially. He was very stubborn and no one could tell him what he could and couldn’t do. He was also very quick to speak his mind in disagreement if he was ever approached by the elders about anything. But, he still was careful enough so as not to go too far where he was viewed as someone needing to be disfellowshipped because of how he felt about things.
My Father and The Theocratic Ministry School
Jehovah’s Witnesses have an institution that has been in existence for decades called The Theocratic Ministry School. It usually is scheduled on Thursday evenings and is comprised of five-minute presentations that are conducted by whoever was appointed that week to give a talk on a topic that was chosen for them.
I’m not sure if it is still the case now, but back in those days if you were a brother and opted not to be on the school to give these presentations then you were looked at as spiritually weak. It wasn’t so much that the members of the congregation viewed you as a horrible person for not being enrolled in the school. It was more that everyone was encouraged to view you as spiritually weak because the school was created to fine-tune the preaching and ministering skills of the brothers to be better equipped at going door to door…and you chose to buck the system in this regard. Clearly, you were disobeying the rules that were outlined by the organization that all brothers should be on the school. Because of this choice you made, there was an invisible stigma like a cloak that was wrapped around you that everyone saw.
This was my father; he chose not to be on the school because of a legitimate fear of public speaking and because of an understandable confidence issue that he had. He just couldn’t handle what the stress of it did to him being on the stage in front of everyone. It just wasn’t in his nature at all. I of course saw this. I fully understand this now as an adult. But there I was…an immature child that only saw him bucking the very system of beliefs and challenging the total and complete devotion to the leaders of this religion that we belonged to. But could I be blamed when I also saw as a child the heads of the congregation constantly giving “public needs” talks so obviously pointed at him and a few others refusing to be on the school?
What inevitably puzzled me as a child was that he insisted that we all go to the meetings because that’s what we were supposed to do, but yet he refused to do what he was supposed to do or expected to do. I didn’t understand this at all as a young child, and it made for very interesting teen years for me.
My Teens Years as a Jehovah’s Witness
The years of my life that were my mid-teens was probably the furthest my parents ever were from being what’s called in the religion, “strong in the truth.” They were very much a part of the aforementioned Group 3. I definitely didn’t want to be like them, being on the fence with my spirituality and devotion to God. It is in my nature and very much my personality to do things all the way. If I’m going to do something or if I’m going to be something, that I’m going to do it the best I can or I’m not doing it at all.
It was my serious goal to be what’s called a Ministerial Servant, sort of a helper to the elders. My next goal after spending time as a Ministerial Servant was to be an elder someday. I realized at this young age that I had the natural traits of a leader. I spent a lot of time with many of the young ones in the congregation and I could see that they looked up to me. This was important to me. I wanted to be a positive hard-working role model for them and others.
Dating as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses
There was this younger sister in the congregation that was my age. We had grown up together from birth and we were around each other constantly because not only were we not allowed to have any other friends outside of the religion, which highly limited the number of friends we could have, but our parents were also close with each other.
It wasn’t a surprise to us or anyone else that once we got to be young teenagers, we grew fond of each other and started spending a lot of time together. We were by all definitions of the word…dating. This did not go over well in the congregation considering it was very severely frowned upon for a young man and a young woman to even consider “courting” unless they were of an age that they were able to marry legally. Jehovah’s Witnesses are only encouraged to date with the very serious intent of actually searching for a marriage mate.
Today, I am very proud to live with very few regrets in life. I usually don’t allow the regret of a decision in the past that I made to consume my current thoughts or actions because I view life as a series of opportunities to learn from. However, I am certainly far from perfect and I do regret a few moments in my life. Getting married way too young and simply to have sex is absolutely one of them. I regret wasting six years of my life being married to someone that I should not have ever been married to.
How is a young person expected to live up to these stipulations or rules perfectly? How easy would it have been for you as a teenage boy or girl to behave perfectly in regards to your sexuality, your physical attraction to another person, craving human touch and affection from someone? This is a harsh reality for most of Jehovah’s Witness young men and women.
If we’re taking the stipulations laid out by The Watchtower as gospel, then no one under the age of at least eighteen has any business at all dating or courting someone else simply because of legal reasons. My apologies but this is an extreme way to look at it. These are simply unrealistic expectations for a person that young, holding the fear over their heads of being excommunicated from their family and friends if they fall short of those expectations. Encouraging young ones to behave and to be smart and responsible with physical intimacy is one thing. Taking their family away as a repercussion of breaking the rules is on a whole other level of insanity.
Fear-based Devotion
I managed to make it all the way to my wedding night at the age of twenty-one with my virginity still intact because of this fear. Was this a healthy decision based on my devotion to God?
I had many opportunities over those younger years when the option of sex was staring me in the face. I was an extremely horny teenager and I only refrained for two reasons. One, I was afraid of my father and how he would react. And two, I was afraid of being disfellowshipped and losing every friend that I had and my entire family. I entered into one of the biggest commitments in life all because of my fear-based devotion to the rules and stipulations made up by a group of men.
I now refer to that whole time period in my life and that life-altering decision to be one of the most unhealthy regrets of my life. It took six years of my life and started a snowball of suffering that was headed my way. A series of harrowing events that nearly took my life.
Giving fear-based devotion is the opposite of having a healthy faith – The Small Town Humanist Click To Tweet
A Possible Point of Interest to Some:
I am still close friends with the guy that dated my wife prior to our relationship in our teens. I found out from him years later that she used to regularly perform oral sex on him prior to us beginning to date. This is also a disfellowshipping offense. In upcoming parts of this series, I will go into great detail about how I was disfellowshipped and what ensued. You might be interested to know that my ex-wife has still never come clean about her “serious sins” of oral sex. She is still to this day a strong, upstanding Jehovah’s Witness.
Part Three…
In part three of my story found here, we’ll be discussing the years I served as a Ministerial Servant in the congregation and the events that lead up to my being disfellowshipped unjustly.
